2015: The Baddest Bad Year That Was Ever Bad

To say that 2015 was a year straight from the pit of Hades would be a severe understatement.

Hi. Welcome back to Cowboy Boots in the Kitchen. A year and a half later. 

It's kinda difficult to give a detailed list of everything that happened and everything that went wrong - and while both my wife and I experienced a pretty awful year, we didn't necessarily have the same experiences or problems. The best thing I can say in regards to my experience is: Depression sucks. Have I ever made that clear before? That I have Depression? Now, I know that it's hard to take people seriously when they say that today; it's become the new "ADD"—remember that? Remember how in the 90s, everyone had ADD and boasted that they had it?—and while I certainly don't have Depression as bad as many that I know (I still have never been tempted to take my own life), I can just tell you that I have it bad enough that a lot of things in my life have been messed up because of it.

Last year, for instance.

For me, my terrible experience with 2015 was largely related to my medical condition, in a round-about sort of way. Because it wasn't the Depression itself that was messing me up... but unfortunately the medications. The very things I was hoping would help me...? Unfortunately they had quite the opposite effect. Here is a total list of all the prescriptions I've been on: Zoloft, Lexapro, Welbutrin, Prozac, Celexa, Remeron, and finally Tegretol. That's seven different meds... in one year.

There were two major problems I was dealing with—and am still recovering from—as a result of not only being on medication, but specifically being on so many different ones in such a short period of time: energy/motivation loss... and most upsetting: weight gain.

I don't remember whether I ever talked about it on this blog before or not, but I used to way 315 pounds - that was for most of my teenage years. I had tried losing weight so many times, but nothing ever seemed to work. Well, "all of a sudden" in 2010 I started finally losing weight. By 2012 I was down to 190. It was probably the most amazing accomplishment in my life - it was something I wanted for so long.

Well, unfortunately... 2015 and my medications saw fit to see that I was not ("fit," that is). By the end of the year I had gained back 100 pounds, virtually hitting the "reset" button on everything I'd worked so hard to change. So yeah... that's pretty crappy.

The other thing, energy/motivation-loss? Well, it would hit especially hard in the one area of life where you hope and pray that it won't.... the job. I stopped caring about work. I got tired of working. Of being "part of the system." The result? I brought in nearly 40% less income than I had in 2014. I should have been fired, but by God's grace I was not, and, while it did severely strain our relationship, my boss was extremely merciful. But that huge hit to our finances had consequences, of course... largest of all: my wife having a mental breakdown and ending up in a mental health hospital for seven days.

Take all this and add the extra "spice" of expensive vehicle problems, having a puppy who is hyperactive to the point that it drives up our stress levels, credit cards nearly getting maxed out on medical bills, and my childhood cat on the verge of death (possibly because of a tumor)...

Lord. Have. Mercy.

Whew.... let me just.... catch my breath.... Just give me a moment....

On the other hand, I have to remember the good that happened last year. Because a lot of good stuff really did happen. One big thing in particular...

Not long after I wrote the last post in this blog (August 2014), my wife and I actually made a big move. We moved from our apartment... to live with my parents. Why? Well, my parents live in the same house that I grew up in, and I love that house. The idea was that we were going to move in with my parents with the end goal of taking over the house - paying monthly bills like rent that went toward purchasing the house from them. Things started out well, but funnily enough what ended up happening was that Julia and I began to really miss Woodstown (the original town we lived in). Well... after staying with my parents for a year, we moved back to Woodstown, though a different apartment this time. We've been here for about six months now, and we are just insanely happy. Seriously, we just really feel like Woodstown is where we're supposed to be. It's our town. So that was a huge good thing that happened.

         Also, I found an amazing church within 30 minutes of our apartment that I've been attending when I can and where the parishioners made me feel like part of a family from the first day.

         Annnnd I'll also add that another really good thing that happened—WARNING: I'm about to show my "geek"—wasssss the new Star Wars film, Episode VII: The Force Awakens. Y'know, when the original Star Wars premiered in 1977, it's goal—or I should say its creator George Lucas' goal—was to rapture people, if but temporarily, from all the troubles that were going on at the time. Well, The Force Awakens ended up acting in a very similar way, at least for my wife and I. We went to see it four times—it would have been five, I bought the tickets, but unfortunately we got sick and couldn't go—and it got better every single time. We would come home beaming, talking rapidly and excitedly like two little kids. It seems kinda cheesy to say, but the movie really was a huge help to us in pulling us out of the doldrums.

Anyway, just had to put that last thing in there, I couldn't resist.

So.... here we are today. In 2016. My wife and I have no idea what this year holds. All we can say is that we are going to try our darndest to make it a better year than last year. One of the ways in which I'm doing that? Getting back to this blog. Because, even though I never really got far with it before, it still was/is very meaningful to me to have. Just a place where I can share stuff, events, recipes, everyday experiences, and whatever else.

Well, I'd love to write more, but it's past my bedtime.