First off, let me explain that I knew it was going to take a very particular woman to really fall for me, given my... interesting characteristics. That's why I knew it would be nothing short of a miracle when said woman would come into my life. It could only be God.
I alluded to some of my characteristics in the very first post of this blog. But here is where I will go into some more detail about this more interesting side of me. Not so much talking about the emotional side of me right now as much as I am talking about the more kid-like side of me.
"Don't stop being like a kid and being fun when you get older and married." — My niece, Kaylie
I will never forget those words that my niece said to me when she was very young. She's around twelve years old now, but at the time she said that she was probably about six or seven years old. And I have done my best to live out that request... though it's not like it's been some obligatory thing. It's really been rather natural.
I have developed a rule in the last several years, essentially reflecting what my niece said. I will grow up, yes. I will mature, yes. But... I never want to lose the fun, kid-like side of me. Because I just don't see how I'm supposed to have any fun being an adult, otherwise.
I can play the part of the "adult", yes. I can take the lead. I can go to work. I can pay bills. And all that silly stuff. I have no trouble doing that when it's needed. But I really thrive when being more kid-like.
One of the areas I like to be kid-like is my humor. I love to make people laugh (as much as I love to laugh). And I have found that something that gets a lot of my adult friends laughing is when I take on a sort of more kid-like humor. Because the fact is most of them aren't expecting that kind of humor coming from an adult. So it really lends itself to a lot of fun. Have I run into adults who felt my level of humor was much too immature and beneath them? Of course. Buuuut I just courteously shrug and say "Whatever." While I may be tempted to think those people are much too uptight... the truth is that they aren't wrong, just different.
There have been, of course, times when I have had more fun and gotten along more with kids than I have adults. It takes a very specific kind of adult to be able to really engage with me—and by the way, this is not me saying that I am some kind of special person that can only be appreciated by special people.... well.... actually... I am "special" alright... but no, what I mean is that I'm not raising myself above everyone else when I say that—specifically kids between the ages of three and twelve or thirteen.
Now of course there are some people in my life that are close friends, but they don't quite get my humor. But rather than thinking I'm "beneath" them, essentially they just shake their heads and roll their eyes but still "put up" with me and get along with me. Which I don't mind, that actually makes me laugh.
So, in what other ways am I kid-like?
Okay, so there are times when I am outside taking a walk... where suddenly (as a music composer) I start composing a track in my head. And then suddenly the kid takes over and I find myself imagining events taking place around me, going along with the music I am composing in my head. I see knights and goblins at war. Dragons flying overhead breathing fire upon the woodlands. I see a company of heroes traveling through the tall grass. And then... what's this? A goblinoid commander noticing me? Brandishing his sword and glaring at me, placing one of his iron-clad boots behind him... ready to charge? Well... how else am I supposed to defend myself but to grab the nearest stick just as he reaches me, and lift it above my head to block his furious attack...? And he obviously is not going to leave me alone. He is going to be relentless. So I am forced to fight back with a vigorous flurry of stabs and slices! Meanwhile the music in my head is taking on total EPICNESS, with brass jabs and sharp staccato strings accompanying each swing of our swords! You cannot even behold the awesomeness of the scene that is taking place. If you saw it... you would probably have no choice but to fall to your knees and weep at its splendor.
Orrrrrr you might instead cock an eyebrow and curl your lip at the sight of a quarter-century-old man in his backyard wearing not a ragged tunic and cloak and weathered boots but a Star Wars t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, and rabidly swinging a foot-long twig in the air.
Orrrr... perhaps not a mere twig.
A couple years ago, my sister and brother-in-law, Sarah and Andrew, got me one of the coolest Birthday/Christmas gifts ever when I tore open the box to find replicas of the twin scimitars Twinkle and Icingdeath used by one of my favorite fictional fantasy characters of all time, Drizzt Do'Urden, a drow elf created by fantasy author R.A. Salvatore for his Legend of Drizzt novel series.
Well... suffice it to say, these two scimitars have been used on multiple occasions to fight off many an attacking foe. There was a time a couple years ago when I had just finished watching the awesome film Willow, and it was snowing outside, and my adrenaline was pumping like nobody's business. So... I grabbed the scimitars, ran outside into the deep snow, and it was still falling from the sky... and flipped and twirled and swung the blades "epically" in the dark white of the snowy night.
And then there have been other times when just in my home I have taken the swords out and sprinted through the house swinging them violently. And yes.... more than one occasion has left a mark or scratch or tear in walls, ceilings, and furniture. (However, I would like to point out that I actually was prepared to use the swords legitimately one time when I thought someone had broken into my house; I got them out and, holding them at the ready, searched cautiously every room and closet in the house).
Other than that... There have been times when I have grabbed one of my Die-Cast Star Wars vehicles, or the replica of the USS Enterprise 1701 Refit from Star Trek: The Motion Picture hanging underneath my icon-shelf... and just for literally a second or two "flew" them through the air in my bedroom, of course making engine noises with my mouth as I do so.
Another thing I do often is pretend I have superhuman abilities. Like conjuring balls of energy in my hands that can blast through doors and walls. Or have telekinesis to lift objects like cars or people. And other times if I am out and come into contact with an automatic door... I will thrust or wave my hand in front of me, as if using the Force to open the door. Or I will try and cast webs from my wrists like Spider-man.
Sometimes if I am alone in my car I will imagine I am being interviewed for some epically awesome movie that I composed the score or did the sound design for. Orrr sometimes imagine I am a stuffy-nosed pathetic sounding Politician who is being asked what he hopes to accomplish if he is elected. Or take my phone, turn on the audio recorder and pretend like I'm some weird plumber guy, or creepy British doctor, or a person with very bad English. Or sometimes if I'm really hyper I will do weird beatbox noises. Or sometimes I just make really loud annoying noises or laughs to see if I can annoy myself.
Yes. Yes... All of this is very true. And I'm laying it out there for you to see. I warned you.
I have discovered that I really need this side of me. I really do. It honestly keeps me sane in the midst of a very crazy world (the world's "crazy" and my "crazy" are very different). It has also helped me (almost therapeutically) in the past, as well, to stave off Depression.
There have been times when I have truly tried to fully assimilate an "adult" personality. I found that life extremely dull, tiring, and altogether lifeless. It just wasn't for me. Again, sure I'm not doing away with all adult qualities. But I have discovered that there really is a way to do what needs to be done as an adult without sacrificing the inner kid. If I lose the inner kid I know that I will lose a very large part of who I am. So... I hold onto it. And thank God I have actually not only been surrounded by a family and a number of friends who really appreciate this side of me... but of course He has also brought an incredible woman into my life who understands, empathizes... and even has a really really awesome inner kid herself. In my past I have tried to engage in a relationship with women who neither shared nor truly understood this inner-kidness. But because, at the time, I was so desperate to be loved, I actually began to pretend to be something that I wasn't. And after a little while I realized I didn't like who I was having to pretend to be. And realized that if I couldn't be loved for who I really was, then it wasn't really love, just a very distant resemblance. And I thank God He helped me realize that. Because little did I know at the time that "the One" was waiting for me, who not only understood this part of me, but admired it and shared it herself. It was incredible when I discovered that I truly could be myself with my fiancée, Julia. And not only did(/does) she love me for who I am, but I found that the more I was myself, the more she loved me. Heck, the night we began our relationship (February 14th, 2012) I told her I loved her (with her permission). She told me she didn't feel like she could say it back just yet, that I had to woo her first. Now, in my mind I'm thinking about dates, flowers, love letters... but after a few days of merely talking over GoogleTalk... she suddenly told me that she loved me. I was taken aback, and said "But I didn't even do anything!" to which she replied "You were just... yourself." And that was enough :-D
So... given the circumstances of the kind of man that I am.... Yeah... I knew if I was ever to find a woman who could love me for who I was... it could be none other than someone sent by God :)
I can play the part of the "adult", yes. I can take the lead. I can go to work. I can pay bills. And all that silly stuff. I have no trouble doing that when it's needed. But I really thrive when being more kid-like.
One of the areas I like to be kid-like is my humor. I love to make people laugh (as much as I love to laugh). And I have found that something that gets a lot of my adult friends laughing is when I take on a sort of more kid-like humor. Because the fact is most of them aren't expecting that kind of humor coming from an adult. So it really lends itself to a lot of fun. Have I run into adults who felt my level of humor was much too immature and beneath them? Of course. Buuuut I just courteously shrug and say "Whatever." While I may be tempted to think those people are much too uptight... the truth is that they aren't wrong, just different.
There have been, of course, times when I have had more fun and gotten along more with kids than I have adults. It takes a very specific kind of adult to be able to really engage with me—and by the way, this is not me saying that I am some kind of special person that can only be appreciated by special people.... well.... actually... I am "special" alright... but no, what I mean is that I'm not raising myself above everyone else when I say that—specifically kids between the ages of three and twelve or thirteen.
Now of course there are some people in my life that are close friends, but they don't quite get my humor. But rather than thinking I'm "beneath" them, essentially they just shake their heads and roll their eyes but still "put up" with me and get along with me. Which I don't mind, that actually makes me laugh.
So, in what other ways am I kid-like?
Okay, so there are times when I am outside taking a walk... where suddenly (as a music composer) I start composing a track in my head. And then suddenly the kid takes over and I find myself imagining events taking place around me, going along with the music I am composing in my head. I see knights and goblins at war. Dragons flying overhead breathing fire upon the woodlands. I see a company of heroes traveling through the tall grass. And then... what's this? A goblinoid commander noticing me? Brandishing his sword and glaring at me, placing one of his iron-clad boots behind him... ready to charge? Well... how else am I supposed to defend myself but to grab the nearest stick just as he reaches me, and lift it above my head to block his furious attack...? And he obviously is not going to leave me alone. He is going to be relentless. So I am forced to fight back with a vigorous flurry of stabs and slices! Meanwhile the music in my head is taking on total EPICNESS, with brass jabs and sharp staccato strings accompanying each swing of our swords! You cannot even behold the awesomeness of the scene that is taking place. If you saw it... you would probably have no choice but to fall to your knees and weep at its splendor.
Orrrrrr you might instead cock an eyebrow and curl your lip at the sight of a quarter-century-old man in his backyard wearing not a ragged tunic and cloak and weathered boots but a Star Wars t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, and rabidly swinging a foot-long twig in the air.
Orrrr... perhaps not a mere twig.
 |
| Twinkle and Icingdeath, hanging in wait to deal lots of deaths to many a bloody evil assailant of DOOM! |
Well... suffice it to say, these two scimitars have been used on multiple occasions to fight off many an attacking foe. There was a time a couple years ago when I had just finished watching the awesome film Willow, and it was snowing outside, and my adrenaline was pumping like nobody's business. So... I grabbed the scimitars, ran outside into the deep snow, and it was still falling from the sky... and flipped and twirled and swung the blades "epically" in the dark white of the snowy night.
And then there have been other times when just in my home I have taken the swords out and sprinted through the house swinging them violently. And yes.... more than one occasion has left a mark or scratch or tear in walls, ceilings, and furniture. (However, I would like to point out that I actually was prepared to use the swords legitimately one time when I thought someone had broken into my house; I got them out and, holding them at the ready, searched cautiously every room and closet in the house).
Other than that... There have been times when I have grabbed one of my Die-Cast Star Wars vehicles, or the replica of the USS Enterprise 1701 Refit from Star Trek: The Motion Picture hanging underneath my icon-shelf... and just for literally a second or two "flew" them through the air in my bedroom, of course making engine noises with my mouth as I do so.
Another thing I do often is pretend I have superhuman abilities. Like conjuring balls of energy in my hands that can blast through doors and walls. Or have telekinesis to lift objects like cars or people. And other times if I am out and come into contact with an automatic door... I will thrust or wave my hand in front of me, as if using the Force to open the door. Or I will try and cast webs from my wrists like Spider-man.
Sometimes if I am alone in my car I will imagine I am being interviewed for some epically awesome movie that I composed the score or did the sound design for. Orrr sometimes imagine I am a stuffy-nosed pathetic sounding Politician who is being asked what he hopes to accomplish if he is elected. Or take my phone, turn on the audio recorder and pretend like I'm some weird plumber guy, or creepy British doctor, or a person with very bad English. Or sometimes if I'm really hyper I will do weird beatbox noises. Or sometimes I just make really loud annoying noises or laughs to see if I can annoy myself.
Yes. Yes... All of this is very true. And I'm laying it out there for you to see. I warned you.
I have discovered that I really need this side of me. I really do. It honestly keeps me sane in the midst of a very crazy world (the world's "crazy" and my "crazy" are very different). It has also helped me (almost therapeutically) in the past, as well, to stave off Depression.
There have been times when I have truly tried to fully assimilate an "adult" personality. I found that life extremely dull, tiring, and altogether lifeless. It just wasn't for me. Again, sure I'm not doing away with all adult qualities. But I have discovered that there really is a way to do what needs to be done as an adult without sacrificing the inner kid. If I lose the inner kid I know that I will lose a very large part of who I am. So... I hold onto it. And thank God I have actually not only been surrounded by a family and a number of friends who really appreciate this side of me... but of course He has also brought an incredible woman into my life who understands, empathizes... and even has a really really awesome inner kid herself. In my past I have tried to engage in a relationship with women who neither shared nor truly understood this inner-kidness. But because, at the time, I was so desperate to be loved, I actually began to pretend to be something that I wasn't. And after a little while I realized I didn't like who I was having to pretend to be. And realized that if I couldn't be loved for who I really was, then it wasn't really love, just a very distant resemblance. And I thank God He helped me realize that. Because little did I know at the time that "the One" was waiting for me, who not only understood this part of me, but admired it and shared it herself. It was incredible when I discovered that I truly could be myself with my fiancée, Julia. And not only did(/does) she love me for who I am, but I found that the more I was myself, the more she loved me. Heck, the night we began our relationship (February 14th, 2012) I told her I loved her (with her permission). She told me she didn't feel like she could say it back just yet, that I had to woo her first. Now, in my mind I'm thinking about dates, flowers, love letters... but after a few days of merely talking over GoogleTalk... she suddenly told me that she loved me. I was taken aback, and said "But I didn't even do anything!" to which she replied "You were just... yourself." And that was enough :-D
So... given the circumstances of the kind of man that I am.... Yeah... I knew if I was ever to find a woman who could love me for who I was... it could be none other than someone sent by God :)
Best. Ever.
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